I was interviewed on Wellbeing Radio yesterday. It was most definitely one of those situations in which I felt the fear and pressed on anyway.
I wanted to share the message to all those here as I think that it’s an incredibly important one. The message was actually in regards to my chapter and role in the summit (to be released on Womens International day 2021 but more info about that soon.
That being said, I feel the message is key to all that I do, that I am about and what I hope to bring in the work that I do including the blogs that I intend to write . Here goes –
My message is for the women who feel frustrated, bitter, angry, resentful.
The women whose experiences in life have lead them to believe that they are personally responsible for making everyone in their lives happy, that it’s their job to fix everything for everyone, that others thoughts, feelings, opinions, values matter more than their own.
My message is for women who have an aversion to saying no and a need to please all around them.
Those that in doing so have lost their own way, have lost respect for themselves, have forgotten who they are and what is important to them even though deep down the voice from their very soul niggles away at them.
My message is to say that you matter, you are worthy, you were born worthy. Nothing you ever do or say will ever make you any more or less so.
It’s a beautiful thing to help others from the right place and for the right reasons but you cannot continue to breathe life into others without reserving some for yourself.
It’s time to come back home to yourself, to breath the life and love that you so freely give to others back within.
From my own experience my most heart-breaking realisation was of my own persistent self betrayal. I no longer felt safe within my body and mind. I couldn’t trust myself to keep me safe. You would never want that for anyone and yet we often fail to extend ourselves the same compassion.
I love being me now, I love the life that I lead and the people in it. I feel safe in the knowledge that I make my boundaries a priority. That I have my back and the people around me support, encourage me and respect my boundaries.
I am no longer overwhelmed by the self hatred and self betrayal. I used to look in the mirror and I didn’t feel as though it was me because I had become so disconnected from myself. I would berate myself each time that I made a decision outside of my own best interests. You are incapable of allowing love in when you have such little love for yourself.
The biggest and most meaningful impact that it has had in my life, the one I am most proud of, it’s that I am a healthy role model to my children. Once upon a time my words were empty, do as I say and not as I do. I saw my children struggle with their own self worth as I did. Their internal frustration each time that they betrayed themselves. Didn’t stand up for themselves.
It’s so hard as a parent to admit that you got it wrong. To say ‘I made a mistake, I was still wounded, I haven’t taught you those important skills in life but I will now, watch me.’ And with that admission we can move forward and create a life in which we step in to our power.
The truth is that no one is going to walk on up to you one day, hand you a certificate and say hey, well done, you’re worthy now. Who gets to make that decision?
When I ask people if they feel worthy they say of course.
Then I ask them, do your actions and thoughts express that you are worthy? Do you act, behave and make decisions from a place that demonstrates that you feel that you are just as important as everybody else?
The answer is usually no. I know what it is to make that connection.
What do I suggest the first step to be? To decide.
To make the decision here in this moment that you are worthy.
To ask yourself how would I think, behave and relate to others if I completely and entirely loved, respected and valued myself?
One day at a time, one action at a time. Just take the one step, don’t worry about the entire staircase.
Now start small, when you are placed in a position in which you need to make a decision, remember that person, your highest self who loves, respects and values herself. Step in to that shoe.
Feel the fear and do it anyway. For you. For each one of those times that you didn’t honour yourself. Take that pen and write yourself a different story.
I won’t lie, it won’t feel natural to begin with. It’s like an uncomfortable shoe, feels awkward, you kind of don’t even want to wear it, it’s almost a little bit painful but each and every day you put on that shoe and you wear it it. Over time it feels comfortable. Before long it’s like a second skin. Before you know it it’s your favourite pair of shoes and you wear them to death because they feel great! It’s kind of like that.
Of course there is more to feeling good enough, to feeling worthy, to setting boundaries and to feeling comfortable about it but start with making the decision. Identifying when you are not acting out of a place of self worth.
Ask yourself, ‘In this moment where do I see myself in relation to these other people, below, above, on par, what am I demonstrating?’