When I do my weekly card pull in my free group there is always a message regarding intuition and I understand why.
Many of us in the group have learned not to trust our intuition, not to tune into it, not to value it.
I will give you an example. When you experience a domineering parent or an abusive guardian, your sense of ‘we are just as important as anyone else’ and ‘my opinion matters’ is overridden. Low self-esteem is the result.
‘I am not as worthy as others.’ You subconsciously tell yourself.
There are many other circumstances in which you will adopt this belief in childhood.
A belief that you genuinely believe to be true that over time you pass as fact.
You ignore your own internal navigation system time and time again because you have come to believe that you aren’t reliable or trustworthy. Others know better.
When you are deciding what to study at college.
When you end up in a career that you fell into because you weren’t sure what else to do.
When you’re still in that relationship that doesn’t feel quite right.
When you have children because it’s what we do right? As opposed to because it’s truly what you are guided and drawn to do.
Down to the small everyday decisions you make throughout each day. What to eat, where to eat, what to watch.
How much of your life have YOU actively considered and chosen?
How much was set out by circumstance, because you couldn’t decide, because it others made the decision for you?
I studied for a Law degree in University despite desperately wanting to study philosophy. Everyone had said ‘philosophy will get you nowhere. My dad said ‘I would love to be able to tell people that my daughter is a lawyer’. And. God, I craved that acceptance. Four years and a lot of money later (that I paid). I’ve never used my law degree and it turns out that my philosophy would have been fab to aid my life purpose.
I ignored that little voice.
I fell pregnant and got married to somebody I knew wasn’t right for me but believed ‘this is what I must do to be a good mum and provide a stable home’. Despite my little voice telling me that he wasn’t that man for me.
I had another child because, well I was creating a family. 2.4 children. In the belief that this would make everything right. Despite my inner voice.
Bought a home in a town I despised, I had seen family members discuss moving, and not doing so, I believed I would be alone and lost without them. And I stayed despite hating it. Despite the ridiculous mortgage and my inner voice telling me no.
I stayed with my husband despite his abuse. Because it’s what I had witnessed and experienced growing up. I believed that was just how relationships worked. Despite my little voice screaming at me to get out.
I began a career and later a business that I did because it was the next step. I continued to follow the step despite hating each and every minute of it. Whilst my little voice told me to do something else.
Before you know it. That’s my entire life. Created by the ideals and beliefs of others.
That little voice gets quieter.
Unable to make any decisions at all.
Stuck with the ‘I want to but…’
Feeling anxious, depressed, unfulfilled, unhappy.
So how to turn it around?
I feel it’s different for everyone.
My experience was a breakdown.
A complete and utter breakdown after a combination of horrendous anxiety and depression had struck. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I was prescribed medication. I stopped that a few days in because I realised that this was my body, mind, and soul screaming out to me.
That little voice just needed to be heard. It just needed me to take action that was right for me. That was made out of respect and love for myself. For once.
I believe it’s what people call a mid-life crisis.
They say it is a bad thing but I don’t believe that is true. I feel that it is when someone decides to be true to themselves. Stop allowing what others think to control how they live their lives.
I tuned into what I was feeling.
The relationship I was in at the time. It wasn’t right for me. I knew that and had ignored that. I ended it that day. It was painful, difficult but also a relief.
The career, I ended it, took a huge leap of faith as I had no alternative at the time. The universe had my back. I listened to every intuitive nudge and I followed it. I manifested.
I allowed space that had once been taken up by anxious thoughts
and fears and replaced it with meditation and mindfulness to allow my intuitive pulls and thoughts
. I just learned to stop the mental clutter by being present and in the moment. Rather than distracting myself or allowing my negative stream of thoughts
to take over.
I stopped giving my power away, asking others to make decisions for me. Stopped asking google, friends, boyfriends, family. I tuned in. What do I want? How do I feel about this? Is this right for me? You always have the answers. You always know the right course of action. You just don’t always trust it.
I worked on my limiting beliefs so as I could differentiate my false thoughts
from my intuition. I learned that my opinions, my thoughts
were as valuable and worthy as any other.
I began embodying worthy.
I took action on those intuitive thoughts
and impulses. And in doing so I grew more confident in myself and they kept on coming. I became braver, more grounded within myself. I came to trust myself before others.
So for all who struggle with trusting in themselves.