There is no judgment here, I write this list from personal experience.
The core reason behind the behaviour? Low self-worth.
When we don’t feel worthy we look to others to validate us. We people please, we try to be who we think they want us to be. We suppress our values, needs wants and opinion in favour of those we seek to accept us, love us, like us.
We become so consumed with trying to gain that acceptance that we forget to stop, check-in, and ask ourselves how we feel about them. Do I enjoy this person’s company? Do they share my values? Do I feel good when I am with them? Do I feel heard, understood, important?
We forsake all that is important to gain the validation of another. You can see how this could lead to you attracting someone who doesn’t respect you but can you see how this puts an end date on your relationship before it even really gets started?
It’s one thing to wear a mask amongst those you rarely see but quite another behind closed doors with an intimate partner. It becomes exhausting, draining. You become resentful, disconnected, unhappy.
Should you take off the mask your partner often feels mislead, can’t quite understand the change, it’s almost a form of betrayal.
That being said, people-pleasing is a form of persistent self-betrayal. One in which you lose trust in yourself, lose respect for yourself, disconnect and internalise your anger and frustrations.
You deserve so much more.
I created a workshop covering this and much more below